Deer in the headlights. Blindsided. Shocked. Suffocating pain. It's what comes to mind when I think back to the early years of dealing with my son's losses. Six years ago I wandered about in a numb state, unable to wrap my head around the fact that my son had extensive brain damage and would never recover. I got up, faced the days and even attempted normal conversation but inside I wished life … [Read more...]
Tiger Moms and Docile Dads?
Partners in Care-giving It'd been a long day at the wood-shop--Darryl came in dusty, hat tossed on the back of his head. For me it'd been a long day on the home front--three different phone calls to the neurologist, medication adjustments plus the usual activity of five kids in one house. "What do think about the seizures?" I asked Darryl for his opinion. He shrugged and turned his … [Read more...]
An Upside Down Joy
You've been here with me, I think? When your world is turned upside down and nothing will ever be right again. Time marches and the grace keeps flowing and you find joy breathes again from the most unlikely places. AN UPSIDE DOWN JOY Loss sweeps you off your feet. It comes, uninvited, with no apology It lifts you up, tips you upside-down and shakes you til you're … [Read more...]
God Doesn’t Need My Kid To Beat the Odds
It was so definitive, those conclusive words of the neurologist: "He will never walk or talk. In many ways he is incompatible with life." Calvin was less than one and I was more than hopeful. I would sit up late at night reading stories of kids pushing far past their prognosis, astounding doctors with abilities they never thought possible. I looked down every avenue that offered hope. … [Read more...]
My Kids Teach Me to See
We worked as a team, Sophie and I. She brought the plates and scraped them clean and I stood at the sink with hot soapy water. These ordinary places and mundane tasks seem to be the very places where we flip ourselves inside-out to one another. She started the talking tonight. "Mom, how are you going to take care of Calvin when your old? Like, 92?" I laughed, "We will probably both be gone by then … [Read more...]
Jesus Isn’t Looking for Flashy
It's diapers at dawn and diapers at dusk. And a whole lot more in between. As a follower of Jesus, I didn't see this coming. This call to be a disciple of the mundane—changing diapers on a big kid, suctioning, stretching limbs, giving meds. Sometimes it crosses my mind—aren't there more lofty callings I'm equipped for? What about the other gifts God has given me? And then Calvin's alarm goes … [Read more...]