She turned thirteen this week. That's ten birthdays together. . . thousands of days and experiences since the day my oldest daughter moved into my home. On her birthdays, when I look through her baby pictures and reminisce, there is this gap. We've got just six pictures of her life from birth to 2 1/2 years. In those moments, the reality of loss, special needs and adoption feels so acute. Most … [Read more...]
A Letter To My Adopted Child’s Reactive Attachment Disorder
Dear Reactive Attachment Disorder, You are not my favorite person right now. In fact, you're a bully and I'm still waiting for you to move out of my house. You've bound my girl for ten years, already. Isn't that enough? Yes, you kept her alive for a short season. Yes, you helped her cope when life bounced her from home to home those first years. I get it. But ever since then, you've been a loud, … [Read more...]
Learning How To Say No . . . and When To Say Yes
Perhaps you can relate to emails and voice mails like these that I’ve gotten: “Mrs. Wallin? Hi, this is Marion from the school. We need some things for the holiday party in class tomorrow. Will you bring [something that takes more hours than you’ve got in the day to prepare]?” “Hi Laurie, this is Andie. Someone stepped down from this task at church. Can you fill in for a few [years] … [Read more...]
What if we actually learned to rest?
Can I tell you a secret? I was ecstatic when the kids went back to school last week after Christmas break. This is, of course, not a shocker to you at all. But do you know why I was glad? It wasn't because my routine-craving kids were back to the routine. Or that I could sit still longer than 3 minutes without some sort of emotional or social crisis erupting among my four girls. Or even that I … [Read more...]
Surviving the “Normal” Moments with Special Needs Tweens
I drove up to my daughter’s after school bus stop as the bus drove away. Not seeing her brunette hair as I looked down the street, my heart pounded. “Where is she?” I thought. It was the first day we'd planned for her to stay after school for math tutoring. For almost a month, we’d talked about her starting this week. We walked through the routine at school that morning---which classroom she’d … [Read more...]
Am I a bad parent?
The hardest part for me about parenting a child with special needs is the insecurity. Insecurity. . . with professionals who seem to know so much more than I feel like I do with friends and family who secretly and not-so-secretly disagree on the reasons my adopted kids act the way they do. when I pick up the monthly slew of psychiatric meds at our pharmacy and fear what the 19 year … [Read more...]