(Read to the end of the post to find out how to win a copy of Jeff’s new book, No More Peanut Butter Sandwiches).
For eighteen nights in a row I had walked down the street to the willow tree by the side of the creek.
For eighteen nights I had raged at God, shouted at God, and questioned whether he even existed.
For eighteen days in a row I had cried.
God had defied my plans, dreams, and prayers by giving me a son with profound special needs.
I was convinced that he had wrecked me and ruined my life. Like so many other special-needs dads, I dwelt inside a whirlwind of anger, frustration, and denial.
Then one night, through my tears of desperation, the Holy Spirit in a moment of clarity and stillness, whispered, “I’ve given you a blessing. What you do with the blessing is up to you.”
Now, some sixteen years later, I have finally realized what God was trying to tell me.
What I thought was a life-long burden, I now realize was a most treasured gift.
I was chosen. I was called. I am committed.
The world sees a nonverbal young man crippled by cerebral palsy, intellectually disabled, and profoundly affected by autism. The world sees a boy who cannot talk, cannot walk, and cannot function independently.
I don’t see that.
I see a beautiful masterpiece.
I see a tapestry of God’s grace, God’s beauty, and God’s love woven together on a human canvas.
The world sees paint on damp plaster. I see the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.
The world sees a broken vessel. I see Michelangelo’s David.
The world sees a damaged canvas. God sees a magnum opus.
If someone gives you a Picasso, you don’t put it in the garage. You don’t hide a work by Michelangelo in the basement. Instead, you proudly display your treasure to the world.
Jon Alex is my most prized treasure.
God takes broken vessels and he uses them to make beautiful things from which he reveals himself to us.
God has used my son to teach me the essence of unconditional love. God has used my son to show me how to embrace my own brokenness and accept my vulnerabilities.
I have finally understood grace and, in doing so, I have tried to become as good at giving it as I am at receiving it. I have learned that I am completely dependent upon God for all things and unable to do anything without him. And I finally realize I will not find contentment outside of him.
He has taught me that I don’t have to understand God completely to obey God fully.
He has taught me that he really does have a plan and a purpose for everything and everyone, but I may not ever know or realize what it is. He has used our son to teach us to revel in the simple things, find pleasure with a few things, and hope in all things.
And God has shown himself to me and demonstrated the essence of our own father and son relationship through my experiences as a dad to my own son.
Our life has been excruciatingly difficult at times. We have suffered and been though more challenges than we could have ever anticipated or imagined. We have cried oceans of tears and battled the deep waves of anguish. We have ached in our despair, and wallowed in the dark pit of hopelessness.
We have wandered among the stalagmites in the cave of autism looking for a source of light, and we have wrestled and become entangled in the snares of cerebral palsy.
We have questioned God, doubted God, and pleaded with God.
And from all that, today we stand in knowledge of one simple truth.
God is good.
God is good all the time.
When we hurt … God is good.
When we doubt … God is good.
When we lose hope … God is good.
When we don’t understand … God is good.
And when we cling to that which we cannot see … God is good.
All the time, God is good.
God makes beautiful things out of broken vessels. God creates nothing but masterpieces.
I have this beautiful son with a contagious smile and an infectious ability to bring joy and light to everyone around him. I have this living picture of how God uses the ordinary for the extraordinary.
I have this breathing temple of God in my own house—the sanctuary where I see the presence of God.
I have a masterpiece.
Now I understand what God meant when he said he had given me a blessing.
Chosen. Called. Committed.
Jeff and his wife Becky started Rising Above Ministries after realizing the incredible gift and blessing their own son with special needs (Jon Alex) was to their family. Jeff felt God’s calling to found Rising Above and become God’s missionary to the special needs community. In addition to leading and directing all aspects of Rising Above, Jeff is an author and speaker who enjoys speaking at churches, conferences, events and to groups, ministering to special needs families and individuals, and engaging churches. He blogs regularly at risingaboveministries.org/elevate and jeffmdavidson.com. He is a contributing author at comfortinthemidstofchaos.com.
He is also the special needs team writer at 1corinthians13parenting.com. Jeff leads the No More Vacant Dads initiative to reach dads of children with special needs. He is the author of the new book, No More Peanut Butter Sandwiches: a father, a son with special needs, and their journey with God.
Jeff, his wife Becky, and son Jon Alex live in Cookeville, Tennessee.
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