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Disability can impact sibling relationships

February 20, 2014 by Ellen Stumbo

“Mom, sometimes, when I look at Nichole she is so cute that I feel like crying because my heart is so full of love.”

There are times I look at my children and I feel overwhelmed because of the intense love I feel for them. It is a love so hard to contain that it spills out in tears. I get this feeling, I am a mom. However, coming out of the mouth of my seven-year-old daughter, it surprised me. It made me realize how uncommon this is, and how perfect these two girls are for each other.

When Nichole was born with Down syndrome, one of the hardest dreams I had to let go of was the type of relationship I envisioned my girls having. They are only 25 months apart, and I had great plans for them. They would be best friends forever. Because of Nichole’s diagnosis of Down syndrome, I wrongly assumed their relationship would not be close.

They are not playmates:

They do play together, but mostly, Ellie adapts to Nichole. Often, Ellie gets frustrated with Nichole stealing her toys and running wild throughout the house, or dragging Ellie’s dearest American Girl doll by the hair. Nichole has a thing for yelling at Ellie in order to get her attention, which is not necessary, but rather bothersome. It is true that my girls are not the best playmates; however, they are closer than anything I could have imagined.

They are sisters:

Every morning, they sit together on the couch as they watch a show before getting ready to begin the day. At school, Ellie hugs Nichole before they part to their respective classrooms, and if they see each other throughout the day, they try hug again. When I pick up the girls form school, they hold hands as we walk to the car and they talk and laugh all the way home. If Ellie picks up a book, Nichole nestles herself close to Ellie in order to listen to the stories and look at the pictures with her big sister. If Ellie jumps, Nichole jumps. If Ellie laughs, Nichole laughs. If Ellie dances, Nichole does too. If Ellie cries, Nichole’s heart breaks into a million pieces and she cries for her sister. Then the two run to each other and embrace, each feeling the comfort of their sister.

I am amazed at the ways in which Nichole has molded Ellie’s heart. A heart that is full of compassion, acceptance, and gentleness. I see it in the way Ellie loves and treats others, or the way she loves her little sister. In turn, Ellie molds Nichole as she teaches her by example.

There is so much love:

This relationship they have – even at this young age – is simply incredible. The love they have for each other is a love that surpasses any expectations I had. It is the love that drives a seven year old to “get it” in a way that few children her age could even grasp.

So I sit back and marvel about this love we live with, this vast love we get to experience. I worried so much about what the extra chromosome would do to my daughters’ relationship, but I had nothing to worry about, because there is so much love.

This post first appeared on ellenstumbo.com

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Ellen Stumbo

Ellen Stumbo writes about finding beauty in brokenness with gritty honesty and openness. She is passionate about sharing the real – sometimes beautiful and sometimes ugly – aspects of faith, parenting, special needs, and adoption. Ellen’s writing has appeared on the Huffington Post, Focus on the Family, LifeWay, MomSense, and Mamapedia among others. Ellen blogs at ellenstumbo.com
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Latest posts by Ellen Stumbo (see all)

  • My Child Is a Person, Not Just An Inspiration - October 4, 2017
  • Why Women’s Conferences Need to Consider Moms of Kids With Disabilities - September 20, 2017
  • Siblings: So Full of Love - August 19, 2016

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Filed Under: Cerebral Palsy, Down Syndrome, Ellen Stumbo Tagged With: Down syndrome, Ellen Stumbo, siblings

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