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If I Knew Then What I Know Now

April 17, 2013 by Ellen Stumbo

At first, having a child with special needs seemed like an impossible and daunting job. Looking back a t the scared mom I was five years ago, I wish I knew then what I know now. If I could go back in time, this is what I would say…

it will be good

Dealing with the diagnosis is one of the hardest parts of the journey.

Eventually, you will get in a new rhythm of life, and sometimes, even if just for a while, you might even forget that your child has a disability.

Grieving comes in waves.

New stages might require new things to grieve. It’s okay, it doesn’t mean you don’t love your child, or that you have not accepted their diagnosis. It is normal to feel this way.

Reaching milestones will be an accomplishment of extravagant joy and celebration.

You will cheer out loud, cry with joy, maybe even do a happy dance. The experience will be exhilarating!

Your child will be a child first.

Their disability will only be a part of who they are, not what defines them.

You will love your child with a fierceness that will surprise you and fuel you every day.

You might wonder where this love comes from. It will transform you. You will become an advocate that fights hard for your child. Whether it is at an IEP meeting, a doctor’s office, or an ignorant comment that needs to be politely addressed. Your kid will fill you with a  courage you never knew you had.

Your heart will expand one thousand times over.

Because of your child, your understanding of love will change. It will expand!

Your child will bring you incomparable JOY.

You might wonder if your child’s disability might bring you limitations. While this might be true in certain circumstances, your child will be bring you more joy than you ever experienced.

You will come to realize how much you needed your child.

Someday, you will look back and see how God has used your child to mold your heart and transform your life. You will see your child as a gift, be thankful that they are yours, and realize you needed them as much as they needed you.

Thanks to your child, your priorities will change as you understand what really matters in life.

Having a child with a disability will show you what really matters in life. It is not about accomplishments, eloquence, or performance, but the simple fact that we are created by God, and for God, and His love is present in our lives.

It will not always be easy, but it will be good!

You can do it, and you will be better than okay.

~ Ellen Stumbo

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Ellen Stumbo

Ellen Stumbo writes about finding beauty in brokenness with gritty honesty and openness. She is passionate about sharing the real – sometimes beautiful and sometimes ugly – aspects of faith, parenting, special needs, and adoption. Ellen’s writing has appeared on the Huffington Post, Focus on the Family, LifeWay, MomSense, and Mamapedia among others. Ellen blogs at ellenstumbo.com
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Latest posts by Ellen Stumbo (see all)

  • My Child Is a Person, Not Just An Inspiration - October 4, 2017
  • Why Women’s Conferences Need to Consider Moms of Kids With Disabilities - September 20, 2017
  • Siblings: So Full of Love - August 19, 2016

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Filed Under: Cerebral Palsy, Ellen Stumbo, Grief, Joy, Love Tagged With: advice, Ellen Stumbo, Encouragement, not alone, special needs parenting, Special Needs parents

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