In a perfect world, I would be patiently doing many hours of therapy each day with my son and in a perfect world, he would be meeting milestone after milestone.
Then there’s reality. Calvin is one of five kids who need me, he is not “catching up” developmentally, and some days it’s all I can do to manage his medical needs while meeting the needs of my family.
For too long, I’ve added up the lack of milestones and let that big fat zero fill my soul with emptiness. I was a failure, life was a failure—we were not achieving new things or meeting exciting new milestones.
Meanwhile, thousands of precious, life-impacting moments piled all around me but I was missing them.
What if we took our eyes off the milestones and instead focused on the grace-filled moments of our lives?
I started noticing them: my daughter proudly pushing her brother’s wheelchair through the mall, Calvin singing over his trach in church, Calvin and his dad swinging in the hammock, and the kids reading books to Calvin so he could complete the summer book club with them.
I realized my life was full of precious moments, regardless of the lack of milestones, and God was doing His perfect work in our lives regardless of developmental progress.
Some people call this mindfulness. I call it being awake: spiritually, mentally, and emotionally.
“Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:19
When I take time to see God working grace in our lives I’m reminded God will accomplish exactly what He intends with our situation. It frees me from the pursuit of happiness through milestones and allows me to rest in where we are while enjoying the many God-given moments along the way.
Last night Calvin was having breathing issues so I stayed next to him as he drifted off to sleep. I rubbed his head and told him, “I love being your mom.” He turned his head toward me and grinned. I added that to my mental pile of perfect moments God has given us and gave thanks.
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Great post. Such a reminder to let go of the guilt and do the best we can. God is in charge of the results. We need to look to Him to see the progress and personality of the kids He gave us.
Thanks so much for this post; I agree with so much of it. I was just thinking as the re-start of school approaches, my son’s Ed Assistant sent home his backpack with his computer so he could do some stuff at home … and I felt very guilty because I haven’t even opened it. It’s such a challenge to find the time and energy to do all we *could*should* do. So I appreciate your focus on moments over milestones. There are so many awesome moments to enjoy and treasure.