Scared
Some days I’m just scared. I want to be brave. After all, don’t the scriptures command, ‘Be strong and courageous!’?? In my head, that makes sense. God will take care of me, of my son, right?
I don’t take my son out much. A few nerve wrecking moments running up Boston road and naked in a public park … my resources had been depleted for all time. Plus, I can’t wrap my arms around him and sweep him away from danger. He’s bigger than me. So we stay home. But recently, God has been challenging me to challenge my assumptions. Nothing is static. Everything changes. So, even though my fight fright response is almost stuck on the ‘fright’ setting at the thought of being out and about with my son, I decide to resist, and to do something different. I comforted myself with the idea that his class at school takes trips to the stores all the time. I try not to think about the amount of staff that goes on these trips.
A Brave Moment
Come, J. Get your shoes. We’ll go for a drive to get some juice.
The delight on his face was obvious and off he went, shoes on, jeans in place and heading to the car. We drive the short distance to the coffee shop and I talk with him in the car about what we are going to do. We’ll get the juice and my latte and leave. This is a coffee shop that I’m in often, and the staff know me and my regular entourage – J’s younger siblings. When I step in, they note his knitted brow and our unusually interlocked fingers. Mommies don’t walk around with their teens with interlocked fingers. All goes well, while I order the drinks.
Oh No Oh No Oh NO!
Then J whines and his body tenses. Fright floods my whole body as I think about the implications. What is he responding to? I start to remind him of the plan, but before I could complete the thought, he darts away, behind the counter, and grabs a tub of peanut butter, which was invisible to me, scoops out a handful and starts licking his fingers. Fright. Horror. Shame. Disappointment. This is why I don’t do this!
to read the rest of Faith’s post, click over to Key Ministry for Families.
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