I sat in the folding chair at my kid’s school today, grinning at my son and daughter up on the stage. It was the annual Mother’s Day program and my heart overflowed watching them—my son staring at me unwaveringly and my daughter sneaking shy glances my way.
Next to me my other son, Calvin, sat in his wheelchair, listening to the kid’s voices fill the gym. He grinned his signature side-smile at the songs and tried to join in, vocalizing over his trach.
I felt so much joy and sorrow in one moment; joy in what is and sorrow at what’s been lost. How can a simple holiday feel so complicated?
I reached over and held his hand, letting him know I was there. And then I looked up and locked eyes with my kids on the stage, gave a big thumbs up, and let them know too, I’m here—I’m always here for you.
That’s what we do as mothers, we carry on bravely, even when our hearts feel like they might break.
We smile and tell our kids that everything will be okay, even when our world feels upside down.
We reach over and hug our child, letting them feel joy and love and save our tears for the shower.
We learn to delight in what is and let go of what illness and disability has robbed us and our kids.
We’ve learned behavioral interventions, tracheotomy care, g-tube care and have become therapists in our own right.
We stay up countless nights comforting our child through seizures, illnesses, and hospital stays.
We’ve persevered even when we wanted to run the other way.
We’ve discovered value and beauty that takes our breath away, while the world passes by.
We’ve wrestled with God in dark places and experienced grace that’s changed us.
We’ve grown through things we never thought we’d survive.
We’ve been stretched to the point we’re afraid we’ll break.
We’ve seen joy come in the morning after sorrow’s long night.
We hurt deeply.
We love deeply.
Mother’s Day; it reminds me just how complicated, lovely and rich my life is.
Latest posts by Kara Dedert (see all)
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I’m so glad this showed up on my memories feed. I know it will be a great reminder every year that I’m not alone, to enjoy the days, and just be joyful for every moment.
My daughter, Courtney, shared this post on Facebook. It is so insightful. How very many days she has saved her tears for the shower. She is truly one of the great heroes in my life.
Showers are a mom’s best friend.
I also have a son with special needs but I can honestly say I never felt like running I more feel the opposite I’m so overprotective and take all his strengths and run with it …. he absolutely has limitations and sometimes it gets frustrating but also u get frustrated with ur other kids also. For me hats tiring is all the doctors appointments and seeing him struggle …. he wants to just fit in and that makes me cry . I cry seeing other kids running jumping and mines just looking that’s just heartbreaking seeing him just wanting to fit in
… we have a great group of support so my son is so loved. .. on the other end I wouldn’t change my life I love my son more then life yes his life will have challenges but I will put on a smile and happily do whatever I can to make him have the most lasting memories
Much love to you Cara ❤️ Happy Mother’s Day ❌❌❌
Really awesome share! It’s how I’ve felt for years. What I’ve tried to tell my kids when I feel uncertain or heartbroken about a situation is, I tell them to trust God with the problem and for the outcome, even if it hurts. Your thought Kara, “we hurt deeply, we love deeply”, is too true.
Thank you for sharing your gift of expressing these thoughts and emotions, Kara. Your title says it well…it is complicated…all happening simultaneously…good food for thought, though. Continuing to keep all of you are in our prayers! I love you!
It brought tears to my eyes. Your truly talented with words and emotions. I looking forward to reading more of your artwork.
I needed this today♡♡
Cara, I love reading your articles. You have a special gift for communicating emotions: grief, joy, wonder! You always remember the glory belongs to HIM!