The Perfect Story: There was a perfect man who met a perfect woman. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Then they had perfect children and were the perfect parents. Their life together was, of course, perfect. The End.
Perfect. That’s how I always pictured how my life story was going to go. Wrong!
It’s going more like this:
There was an imperfect man who met an imperfect woman. They had an imperfect wedding. Then they had imperfect children and were the imperfect parents. Their life together was, of course, imperfect. The End.
When it comes to parenting, what’s the picture you had in mind? Something similar to “The Perfect Story” described above?
The truth is, we are all holding a mental picture of what perfect parenting looks like. Everywhere we turn we’re confronted with images on TV, billboards, the mall, and even in church of the model family and perfect parents. Unfortunately these images often don’t look anything like reality.
When my boys with autism were younger I exhausted myself trying to be the perfect parent. Between attempting to learn ABA, implementing a GFCF diet, reading up on chelation, rushing my boys to OT and SLP appointments, and keeping up with work, laundry, cooking, and paying bills, I was tired, cranky, and feeling guilty. Feeling guilty for the other oh-so-many things that were being neglected in spite of my attempts to perfectly parent boys on the spectrum.
Trying to achieve perfection as a parent can lead to an array of problems. It is exhausting to keep up with our own ideas of what the perfect parent is like; we simply don’t have enough time or energy to do everything that the perfect parent intends to do, especially when a child with special needs is involved. We set ourselves up for disappointment and disappointment leads to frustration and eventually to low parenting self-esteem.
If your parenting picture is not where you want it to be, you may be tempted to throw in the towel. Don’t.
Let me give you the one word for 2014 that can change your perfect parenting perspective: Grace.
God’s Word says, “My grace is sufficient for you” (2 Cor. 12:9).
Just what does that mean?
It means that when you’re exhausted and think that you can’t possibly get everything done today—
His grace is sufficient for you.
When you’re having a hard time with your child (who sometimes gets under your skin!)—
His grace is sufficient for you.
When you’re tempted to let your frustration loose and speak harshly to your spouse/child—
His grace is sufficient for you.
When you don’t know which direction in life to turn or what decision to make—
His grace is sufficient for you.
Whatever is currently happening in your family’s life, His grace is sufficient for you.
Ask God for His resources to meet your parenting needs and to help you through whatever your challenges may be.
- “And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may dwell in me.” 2Corinthians 12:9
Here are two grace-based ideas for parenting that will help combat the “perfect parent” mindset:
Allow the grace of God to function in you as a parent. Parenting a child with special needs is an impossible task, in and of ourselves. The apostle Paul explained that “we are not adequate to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is of God” (II Cor. 3:5). Only as Christian parents understand this grace-activity of God in Jesus Christ, and are faithfully receptive to His divine activity in their parenting, will they function as the parents that God intends. Christian parenting is best accomplished thru the grace of God!
Entrust your child to the grace of God. By now you might have arrived at a point where you realize that you can’t make your child into what you want him/her to be. Fortunately, God is quite capable of working in your child’s life, despite whatever you might do (or not do!) as a parent. Parents can do their child the greatest favor by entrusting them to the gracious oversight of God. This does not mean that you abdicate your parenting responsibilities, but that you recognize your dependency upon God and trust that God’s dynamic of grace will mold your child’s personality, spiritually renew him, physically protect her, and cause him/her to be all that He wants them to be.
God bless and thank you for all that you do as a parent to a child with special needs!
Michael Woods
michael
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