I slept with my makeup on last night, breaking all the good hygiene rules.
O.k., for those who do this all the time, my apologies.
But I literally cannot ever remember doing it. Ever. Not in my teens, my college days, the four years of law school while working full time, the early mothering period with two toddlers, the chaos after our son’s diagnosis… never.
I slept with my makeup on last night.
And I didn’t even realize it until this morning. I awoke with that scratchy feeling of sleepers in my eyes. But when I threw water on my face before brushing my teeth I realized that the “sleepers” in my eyes was really caked over mascara from church yesterday.
Have you ever been so exhausted and oblivious that you went to bed with your makeup on? Or your bed unmade? Or your dinner dishes in the sink?
Yeh. That kind of exhausted.
This has been a big summer in the Royce household. Our beloved first born with hidden disabilities graduated in June. This after long years of school challenges, IEPs, various therapies, etc. You get it. Even before graduation we were shifting gears as we visited colleges, chose a college, registered for college, completed the disability paperwork, chose Fall courses, etc.
In the midst of all this excitement, we sold our home and moved. We have been trashing, gifting, and packing or unpacking boxes for months.
Now we are preparing for launch in just over a week when we drive said beloved son to his college of choice in Tennessee.
So many rules of good whatever have been broken in recent months.
Normally that would bother me. I am a list maker, job do-er, get it done-r, kind of girl.
But lately there have been so many balls in the air that I have had to decide to let some fall. And I have. With impunity. Without guilt.
A very dear friend gave me wise counsel as she let me drop one of those balls due to her: “Do first that which only you can do best.”
So what are those things only I can do best? They are pretty limited. Only I can be a wife to my husband. Only I can be a mother to my sons. Most other things someone else can do. (Don’t misunderstand me. This is not false modesty or bad self esteem… I can do many things, several of them well… but there is nothing besides those intimate relationships that “only I can do best.”
I think this reality and understanding are part of our journey as parents of kids with special needs. We simply cannot do it all. We have to decide what will get done and what will not. What will be completed and what will be left undone.
Perhaps this is why we are instructed to seek first His kingdom and His righteousness. I used to believe that meant doing church work or missions or ministry. I am old enough (or wise enough) now to realize that sometimes that just means taking care of my family and doing what needs to be done on that front. Sometimes that is all you can do. Sometimes that is your only ministry.
And sometimes that means letting a lot of good things go undone. In many cases, it will still be there when you come back to it. In those cases where it is not, it is o.k.
I slept with my makeup on last night.
And I am o.k. with that.
Shannon Royce
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