She turned thirteen this week. That's ten birthdays together. . . thousands of days and experiences since the day my oldest daughter moved into my home. On her birthdays, when I look through her baby pictures and reminisce, there is this gap. We've got just six pictures of her life from birth to 2 1/2 years. In those moments, the reality of loss, special needs and adoption feels so acute. Most … [Read more...]
A Letter To My Adopted Child’s Reactive Attachment Disorder
Dear Reactive Attachment Disorder, You are not my favorite person right now. In fact, you're a bully and I'm still waiting for you to move out of my house. You've bound my girl for ten years, already. Isn't that enough? Yes, you kept her alive for a short season. Yes, you helped her cope when life bounced her from home to home those first years. I get it. But ever since then, you've been a loud, … [Read more...]
She stands tall; not trying to fix the child I adopted
She stands tall; not trying to fix the child I adopted When we adopted Evangeline from Ukraine in 2009, she hunched. She cowered. She chose to spend her time hidden in little pockets of the house, behind the sofa, under the comforter on her bed. How would I bring her out of her shell? How would I get her to not only make eye contact with me, but to trust me and let love in after two … [Read more...]
Special needs adoption … four years in
Special needs adoption "Ma ma ma ma ma," I place my palm flat against my face and pat my lips, take my daughter Evangeline's soft, doughy hand in mine, and do it with her. "Ma ma ma ma ma." She likes it. So I do it again. Evangeline is non-verbal, but she will mumble sounds from time to time. I yearn to hear her say "ma." We lie in her bed at dusk, the sun fighting its setting, … [Read more...]