Tomorrow’s a ‘no’ day, a needed reminder in parenting kids with special needs
Our daughter Polly will turn seven years old Friday.
She is fully included in the first grade of our neighborhood school, and is making expected progress according to her Individualized Education Plan formed by a team of teachers, therapists, and her parents because of her diagnosis of Down syndrome.
Polly is thriving in school. She loves the gym and her music teacher. Her academics are coming along, and although she struggles with writing and reading, she doesn’t give up.
This little girl who didn’t walk until she was three years old, now runs all over that school five days a week, up and down the stairs, around the classrooms and through the hallways, and deeper and deeper into the hearts of her teachers and classmates.
Recently, Polly has been having behavior problems at school; a little bit of pushing, cutting in line, not sitting on her carpet square during story time (read, sitting on top of someone else instead) …
So, I’ve started a system with her. Every day before she walks out the door , I remind her:
“Have a great day, Polly! And remember, make it a ‘YES’ day!”
Usually she is all about positive reinforcement and doing her best to please those around her. She giggles her okays as she heaves her huge backpack onto her shoulders.
A couple days ago, all the kids were piling out the door to school when I sang out my usual benediction:
“Have a great day, Polly! And remember, make it a ‘YES’ day!”
She stopped in her tracks and pivoted to face me.
“Ok, Mom, but tomorrow is going to be a ‘no’ day.”
My husband and I tried to hold it together, as we do daily with the one liners easily crafted by our funny little girl.
Once I shut the door behind my little family, wiped the tears of laughter from my cheeks, and relaxed my tightened stomach muscles from my gaiety, I started to think deeper about Polly’s words.
Tomorrow’s a ‘no’ day.
What an unknown concept to parents of kids with special needs. Saying no. Having a ‘no’ day.
One of my biggest struggles when it comes to parenting all four of my girls, but especially my two with Down syndrome, is the nagging ache of guilt that exists deep within.
Am I doing enough for my girls?
We didn’t do any therapy activities yesterday.
I really should find more speech therapy that takes our insurance.
They should be in swim class. They shouldn’t be having accidents anymore.
And on, and on, and on.
“Mom, tomorrow’s a ‘no’ day.”
Oh, Polly, girl. How I need this reminder.
Parents, we need ‘no’ days.
And guess what? So do our children.
Let them be kids. And let yourself be a typical, loving parent.
The best thing you can do for your child is to love him or her.
I can’t think of a better way to love one another than to slow down, shake that guilt off of our hearts, and forget the woulda, coulda, shouldas. Let go of all those expectations of yourself. Let go of your expectations for your child, just for a day, an hour, a minute.
Tomorrow’s a ‘no’ day.
My daughter’s one-liner lands deep in my gut. I’m sure I will be pulling it out once in a while like a shiny, new pearl. I will apply the notion of a ‘no’ day to the landscape of my life.
And as for Polly, well, if she actually decided to make it a ‘no’ day at school, she’ll be able to think more on the concept while she fulfills her five minute time-out when she’s back at home.
I’m sure the time will be well spent to reset her heart’s desire to obey, and we’ll all benefit from more Polly truths do to her pondering.
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