It has been a long and hard last 9 months for me personally. After we closed our church plant 9 months ago, I wrestled with God on many different topics.
However, most of the time I tend to tune it out and ignore the real issues. That is until last week.
For the past week, my eyes have been opened to how hurt I was over the loss.
Dealing With My Heart
First off, I would like to say, I am not one who likes to look too much into my own heart issues. I suppose it is my masculine facade I have.
Well God has been dealing with my wounded heart.
As I drove home yesterday, my heart was very heavy. I was feeling all of the emotions that have been put in the backseat.
I told my wife last week, “I don’t understand why I am struggling with this. Shoot, I had an easier time with Fayth and even her heart surgery than this.”
My only reasoning is that this one particular situation seems like it can be controlled. When our daughter was born with Down syndrome, I knew I couldn’t control the situation and I willfully gave it to God. But not this time.
I finished my second job for the day and headed home. When I arrived home, I opened the door to hear worship music playing. The family was eating and obviously had some background music on.
I knew my heart was about to be dealt with.
My Daughter’s Angelic Spirit Went To Work
I grabbed my food and headed to the table to join the rest of the family. I made my rounds and gave everyone a kiss and then sat down.
While I sat there eating, I looked across the table at Fayth. Fayth LOVES worship music. Even though Fayth was very calm while listening to the worship, I was mesmerized by her. She was locked into the worship. I could see her eyes lighting up with the music, but yet there was not much of a reaction. A lack of reaction is rare for Fayth.
I finished my dinner and got up from the table. David Crowder was singing, “Because He Lives.” I took two steps and out of the corner of my eye, I see Fayth’s arms fly up in the air.
Fayth’s timing was PERFECT. As David Crowder sang out the line, “because he lives, I can face tomorrow…” Fayth went worshiping. Arms in the sky, Fayth was praising God.
I turned to look at Fayth and I broke. I stood there watching Fayth with tears streaming down my face. She had no idea, but she had touched my heart in a very dynamic way. God used this little angel once again to touch my heart.
What Happens When You Are Touched By An Angel
As I picked up my shattered heart, I was able to let God minister to my heart. Why? Because He Lives. Because God continually uses Fayth to communicate a message to me of love, acceptance, and encouragement.
Most of the time I would rather have someone in my grill telling me to shape up, but not this time. I needed to hear His voice, I needed to witness His Spirit move in my daughter, I needed to be touched by an angel, touched I was.
Sometimes we get so focused on attempting to fix our situations, we don’t realize God is waiting for us to let the gate to our heart down. We get busier, we address other issues rather than the right issue, and we sometimes just play ignorant.
I believe I was a little of all of those items. That is until Fayth’s arms went flying up into the air.
Jesus, Thank You For Fayth
It never ceases to amaze me. Jesus worked through our little daughter with Down syndrome to tug on the right strings, AGAIN.
I am now sitting here in patience waiting on the Lord. But I still love how he uses Fayth in such an impacting way in my life.
I absolutely love how Jesus uses Fayth to work on my heart.
There is still more work to be done, but I know for now, my heart has been softened because I was touched by an angel.
Jared Buckley
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