Finding peace when your heart is breaking is difficult.
Many of us have lost loved ones or are struggling just day to day and sometimes the holiday stressors can feel so heavy and we are more sensitive because of all the busyness.
It doesn’t feel that long ago when I sat and watched my son gasp for breath in the hospital, he was barely one year-old. He had asthma and when it came boy it was brutal. In fact, one time my husband took him to the doctor and right in his office he passed out. The doctor started to call 911, but it was quicker for my husband to run across the street with him to the hospital. That is what he did. He ran with Charlie in his arms as fast as he could. When I got the call he was in the hospital I didn’t feel peaceful. I didn’t feel calm. I felt worried and full of anxiety.
That had already been his second hospitalization. The first one was just at 1 month old with an infection. Watching your one month-old laying in a hospital crib for 4 days wasn’t peaceful either.
My son would go on to be hospitalized one more time for his asthma and then we were a family that did breathing treatments while he screamed nightly. It wasn’t peaceful.
Those times seem such a long, long time ago. When I was in the midst of these difficult times I clung to Christ no matter how hard it was. I asked continually for His peace and His strength even when my heart was breaking.
What I did during some of these times was blame myself for what was going on. Some people weren’t very understanding or weren’t there to encourage and support me in this challenging time. I was judged and felt alone many times.
No one knows the details of each of our lives.
No one saw me sobbing on my bed on my hands and knees.
No one saw me crying myself to sleep.
It may look better on the outside, but I know every parent who has a child with a disability (no matter how severe) struggles. PERIOD! I never want any pity parties but I do think it is important to acknowledge each of our journeys and not compare them of whose is worse or whose is better. That divides us and doesn’t bring peace.
I have been on this autism journey with my precious Charlie for over 15 years. I help other students with autism and different disabilities. I love to see how God works in their lives through the gifts He has given me. God placed me specifically in the areas I am at for many reasons. He made me Charlie’s mom specifically to help him. What an honor and privilege.
As I help others besides my son, I feel His peace.
I feel His love.
I feel His strength and power.
Where can you find peace?
In God’s Word
In fellowship with others
God notices your tears.
God hears your cries.
He knows your heart and every single struggle.
He loves you and wants you to trust Him, rely on Him, and feel His peace. He wants to take your burdens, let Him. God loves you so much and is crazy about YOU!
Rest in His peace today!