Yesterday I was stumped when a reader asked me this question … causing me to pray for a response to one of the most difficult, baffling questions a parent of a special needs kid can ever face.
Have you ever asked God this question?:
Why, God, did you give me a child with a special need?
First let me say that I wouldn’t begin to tell you that I know the mystery of God’s limitless wisdom. But I will tell you this: I know that God’s promise that “all things will work together for our good.” (Romans 8:28) … is very true.
Please don’t shut me out just yet!
I’m not tossing you another platitude, one of those tiring, meaningless statements that you’ve no doubt heard before. I understand that when we are in the muck of life with our child, we want more than a quick response to a difficult problem. We want help and answers right now, so it is hard to care about the bigger picture, to somehow make sense of today’s sorrow for a greater purpose in your life.
And yet, I am not kidding you. Being the mother of a child with autism … has blessed our family.
I want to be real with you, though: Was it hard? OH YES. Were there days I wanted to give up? YOU KNOW IT! MANY TIMES! (and somedays I still do). Did I get angry at God on hard days? YES, I DID! (but He can take my frustrations and love me still.) In the early years, Alec was very difficult to parent. But with the passing years, winter to spring and summer to fall, he gets better while I get stronger, and all thanks to God’s faithful help.
And that’s the key.
I have learned to lean on God—hard—to get us through the difficult days. I have learned to LOOK UP to God instead of looking at my circumstances. And I find that after all of the trials, year after year and minute by minute, we have survived. God has proven that He is faithful. That we can still laugh. We can still smile. With dirt on our faces, standing in the muck of life, we can see with our own eyes that life is precious and holy… when God is in control.
Living with a child with special needs is a great journey. Yes, there are impossibly hard days, but also some amazing victories.
The truth? If you can believe me…I wouldn’t trade my rock-filled path with anyone. Looking back on it all, I would never ask for another mom’s road.
So we come full circle, back to the original question: Do you know why I personally, truly, and honestly think God gave me an autistic son? Are you ready for this? If so, here is my answer:
I think He gave me an autistic son because He really, really loves me. He wanted me to discover just how faithful He really is. He wanted to give me a gift that no man could take away: A special knowledge of the power, strength, holiness, faithfulness, might and wisdom of God that only comes from NEEDING HIM DESPERATELY.
I believe that it is the answer. I also believe that is why He gave you a child like my Alec. Because He really loves you, and He wants to show you just how much.
There’s so much more that I’d like to share with you, especially if you are a loved one of a special needs child.
Most importantly, God is very able to help you and your sweet child. Not only is He able, but He desires to surround you with His strength, patience and love. He’s proven that love by giving us an inheritance of promises that we can count on to make it through the hard days.
Better still, God sent the very best Advocate (John 14:16 and 1 John 2:1) we could ever want for our child! This Advocate is one that we don’t have to seek out. We won’t need to place a second (or third) mortgage on our house to afford His services. He knows everything about our child: their innermost thoughts, the words they say (or cannot say), and the structure of every cell in their body.
This Advocate hears our children when they cry and whispers comforts to them on long, restless nights. He is the voice that they do not have. The Peace that they seek. The arms that never tire, even when our own arms, as parents, do. He sits at the right hand of Almighty God and has His Father’s ear. He knows that we will encounter trials and hardships, but He has already overcome them, promising rest, guidance and wisdom when we need it.
Our Advocate—Jesus—longs to help you! I know, because He helped me, and He helped my son.
He was there when I’d had enough. He listened when I felt lost and alone in a crazy, messed up world with a child I didn’t know how to communicate with. When I would have given up, He promised a better day for my son … and for me.
I am convinced that God’s ears quicken to the sound of a troubled child’s cry. I know that He listens to every prayer that rises from the lips of a mother. I know that He is for us.
Our Advocate is standing by.
Know that God will honor every promise, and I mean every promise, that Scripture gives to His children. I want you to know that you can have joy again, overflowing, spilling out, and never running dry… if you will surrender your cares to Him. It won’t happen in a day, but trust me, it will happen.
The truth is that we are blessed to love a special needs child. Blessed to experience the beauty of that love.
Yes, that’s what I wanted to tell you.
If you would like to know more about Biblical promises to face a special need—and there are many—that’s what my book Autism’s Hidden Blessings: Discovering God’s Promises for Children with Special Needs is about. It’s about a God who cares VERY MUCH about children with special needs—a message to parents who need to know just how much they are loved. You can preview it by clicking here.
Also, watch two personal stories about the process of finding strength for the special needs journey by checking out the recording from last Sunday’s Spreecast, “Finding Strength for the Autism” (or any special need!) with fellow author Patty Myers, author of the encouraging book, “Autism is a Blessing.”
I want to leave with you with this truth: You and your child are vastly, profoundly, and deeply loved. God is for you!
So walk in the victorious onfidence of Christ today!
Latest posts by Kelly Langston (see all)
- Have a Merry, Messy Christmas! - December 22, 2015
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- Will It Be All Right? (And What if You Aren’t Sure?) - October 28, 2015
I disagree with the “ oh he loves the parents with special needs more thats why he blessed you with them” i seen my mother struggle with my younger brother all my life, ive seen my mother fall down flights of stairs carrying my brother, as all i could do was cry, i always had the dream that one day i would be rich and be able to give my mother more help and a break, but to no avail, im pretty sure when she’s gone i will step up and take care of him, i coped with that a long time ago, and understand that it will most likely not be easy to find a wife that would understand, low and behold i have a one night stand, and poof i have a child, come to find out the mother of my child has autism, and im pretty sure our son does, because he hasnt said any words other than momma and daddy and he’s 3, i love him with all my heart wouldnt trade him for anything, but i hate god for it !!! I was always into sports as a kid, but couldn’t really join any teams due to my mothers schedule and her being overly scared of me being hurt and maybe ending up in a chair jus like my brother, so i always dreamed of teaching my son and coaching sports and other activities, its like he literally spit in my face again !!!! How does he love us more than parents with “regular” children, when my mom will never see my brother get married, drive a car, go after his ambitions, he spit in our faces again, theres no bible verse, no preacher, that can tell me otherwise especially when you dnt have to see the things we go through on the daily !! The cold mornings her carrying my brother to the car, carrying him inside, no one to help jus cold stares, stop consoling these ppl with lies, there is no gold trophy at the end, jus more pain, god cursed me and my family, im cursing him back, i cant wait till i die to tell him to his face….. fin
Catherine Boyle says
Whether you know it or not, you’ve found your way to people who truly do understand, because they’ve lived/live exactly what you describe, daily.
You are grieving the death of your dreams. It’s a death, nonetheless, and deserves to be mourned.
I promise, everyone with a child or other loved one with a disability has been there too. You have to deal with your grief, or it will cripple you. Organizations like Grief Share often address grief from death, they may be able to help you too. What you are grieving is the death of your dreams.
A good therapist can help, if you’re willing to take that step. Many churches offer low cost or free counseling. Many therapists are willing to meet online, or on the phone. And it’s important to find periodic respite, for yourself, but also for your sibling and your child. Here’s a locator for churches that offer…
Catherine Boyle says
Night to Shine; many of these churches also offer respite support for families. https://www.timtebowfoundation.org/ministries/night-to-shine#extra
Whether or not you want to have relationship with God, or you ever change your view of your circumstances, consider this: pretty much every ministry and ministry leader who we interact with has a child or other loved one with a disability. Frankly, nobody cares enough to be involved in ministry to/with people with disabilities unless it’s a personal issue in some way.
For many people we interact with, the disability is something that will never be resolved this side of eternity. How did they move from EXACTLY where you are right now – with all the anger that you feel about your situation, your family’s situation and the situation with your young child – how did others get from where you are now to leading a ministry?
There were important changes that took place in every one of them, and it had to do with leaning into God instead of away from Him.
I don’t expect you to believe me. But I encourage you to find support for yourself – you need it for you, you need it to be a parent to your child. There are many organizations that can help you and your child’s mom give him the best possible life, and many families who are in the same exact circumstance that can be part of your support system. And just because your son isn’t very verbal now doesn’t mean he won’t be. Einstein was reported to be nonverbal until age 4, and things turned out pretty well for him.
If you’re curious, I encourage you to look at any of the following organizations: risingaboveministries.org, SOARspecialneeds.org, nathanielshope.org, 99balloons.org, FreshHope.us. Every one of them is led by a person who either has a significant disability or mental health challenge themselves, or their loved one does. Some of them saw their children die. Several saw careers fall apart because of disability and mental health challenges. But there was another side, after the crisis. I suspect there’s more ahead for you too.
We’re happy to connect you with more resources and support, if that is something you desire.
I completely agree with you, my daughter is 3 right now and is very behind in development and is allergic to almost everything with nutritional value. I hate being a parent sometimes and it feels a big F you from the man upstairs. I still love her but can’t help but wish she was a normal kid. Life really can suck sometimes
Mary Ramos says
I want all special needs mothers here to know that we are not alone. I am a special needs mother of a 40 year old daughter who was born with sever Cerebral Palsy since she gave her first breath. I was very young, and I really didn’t understand what was wrong with my daughter, much less comprehend why the doctors were being so hard, when they were explaining to me the severity of my daughter’s health condition. My daughter was born with sever Cerebral Palsy due to the doctors malpractice. My uterus ruptured at the time of delivery, after me going several times before I went unconscious. I was very angry and I couldn’t stop blaming God for allowing my daughter to be born as sick as she was. Doctors, assured us that my daughter wasn’t going to live pass hours, days, months until my daughter was close to being two years of age, I gave up on the doctors assuring us my daughter’s life time in this world. I then turned to God, the God I was angry at and I can’t believe to this day that I put our God to a test..
I said. If it’s true there’s a loving and caring God I demand you heal my daughter at this time.. of course I was wrong by doing so, but now I know how much God loves me, because through all these years he has not stopped blessing us, with allowing us to continue caring for my daughter, and that’s the best blessing I could ever ask for. Has it been hard? Yes very hard but the lord has walked right next to us, he has not left us alone in this journey. So I say to you all, never forget that we are not alone for the lord is walking hand in hand with each of us. God bless each and every one of you.
My heart breaks reading about all of the pain that you all are struggling with. However, I Thank you for sharing so open and honestly about your experiences because now I know I’m not alone in my feelings.
My husband has ASD and I didn’t know it until after we were married. We’ve had a bumpy marriage when it comes to me getting emotional support. We have a daughter who showed signs of ASD, but she is managing pretty well. Then, when I got pregnant with my son, I prayed relentlessly that he wouldn’t be autistic I didn’t take any medication during pregnancy or delivery because I wanted him to free of any type of disability. I thought my prayers had been answered, but around 18 months, my son started to change. He stopped waving and he even stopped saying Momma. He is 4 years old and my heart just breaks for him. My heart breaks for me, too. I believed with all my heart that God wouldn’t allow him to have autism after seeing all of my struggles with my husband, but my son is minimally verbal and struggles socially. I can’t see any way to have a career even though I am a doctor. There’s so much to keep up with regarding therapies and just honestly trying to stay sane. I honestly do feel punished. I tried to do all of the right things regarding marriage and parenting, but it seems like nothing turned out right. I have piles of student loans, a husband who is not capable of emotionally supporting me, and my children are both on the spectrum. It seems like I’m living my worse nightmare and God won’t lighten the load in any way. Please pray for me.
Catherine Boyle says
DC, we will add this to our prayer list. Our prayer team meets weekly to pray for need brought to our attention. There are many resources available at no cost from organizations like Autism Speaks and TACA; we encourage you to look into those. Many of the resources of both organizations are searchable by state or zip code. You sound like you are deep in grief right now, and it is important to grieve the dreams that you feel are lost. Please remember that our Lord is the One who makes a way when there seems to be no way. Please take care of you, and reach out to us at email@example.com if we can provide more specific help.
I just wanted to let you know you are not alone, I am going through the same and I will pray for you too. <3
I am dealing with the same faith battles and I don't see why autism would make me a better person I am only becoming bitter and very envious.
I understand where you are coming from. I will pray for you. Stay strong and in faith. You are an awesome mom and a blessing to your children. I pray that God continue to bless you, give you unparalleled wisdom, strength, genuine help from friends, family, therapists and surround you with compassionate people.
I, too have a son who is on the spectrum and has ADHD. He is 14 years old. It has been very difficult for me as well as many challenges in my marriage and with family. I just wanted to tell you apply for OPWDD, Medicaid waiver, SSI, etc. It doesn’t make a difference what you’re income is. OPWDD— office for people with developmental disabilities. Be well and praying for you.
Do’nt worrie DC! This is only so hard, because we are living in a materialistic world.
Do’nt blame the doctors. It eas all ment to be. To experience this world. You get wiser ma much quicer with häving a difficult child and coping with that . Just like a Queen.. so, you were awarded a difficult tasku to manage! Because you Are stronger tahan most! That’s good! Enjoy! Really! Who cares? The main goal is the love and eternal love. Going home! So enjoy what you have! And by the way: children with disabielites Are your teachers.. they Are real.
I feel the exact same. God hates me and my son and I’m done doing the right thing. I’m going to stop going to church and worship the devil. maybe I’ll get a little reprieve from this endless torture and joyless exhausting horrible life
Catherine Boyle says
Of course, you are free to walk away from a relationship with God. He’s a gentleman; He won’t force you to serve him. But where will you go? When Jesus asked the 12 disciples if they were going to stop following Him when He showed the crowds some of the cost of discipleship, the apostle Peter said, ‘Where do we go? You have the words of eternal life.’ The same is true in our time.
Your feelings absolutely matter, but as Jonathan Holmes said in one of our webinars, feelings are great passengers, but they’re terrible drivers. What we feel typically alerts us to a personal boundary that’s crossed. Sometimes we feel the way we do because there is deep grief in the death of the dreams you have for your child.
It is healthy to grieve well, especially for a child you love so deeply. A good counselor or therapist can really help you get through the grief to a mental space where you can see beyond your pain.
The people who know how to help someone else’s pain, like the pain you feel now, are those who have been where you are. Could it be that what you experience with your son is something that will one day be the foundation for blessing others, in a way that also deeply blesses you? This is the heart of what Joseph said to his brothers in Genesis 50:20, it’s the heart of Romans 8:28 and 2 Corinthians 1:3-7. I say all this today as a person who walked away from God for many years; that is not the solution.
Here’s a link to find virtual community, with people who have or are living the same life experiences you are. https://www.keyministry.org/find-a-group Our prayer team meets tomorrow; we will pray for you and your son.
Kelly Langston says
Hi, Anonymous. I’m Kelly Langston, the author of this blog post. When I read your comment, I had to reply.
I want you to please hear me, because what I am going to say to you is the TRUTH: God does NOT hate you. He loves you.. and your son. Just as it pains you to see your son suffer, know that your Father in Heaven sees your pain and hears your prayers. He knows every prayer. This is NOT how He created the world to be… it suffered tremendously at the hands of the one you are considering to worship.
God sent Jesus to give us “an abundant life”… so why is it so hard? Because we have an enemy, satan, and he hates God so much that he hates what God loved SO much that He gave HIS son as a ransom to one day bring up back to be with Him.
Make no mistake: Satan comes to STEAL, TO KILL and DESTROY. It is him who sends diseases, brings overwhelming pain, depression, and loss. It is NEVER from God. For proof, just read 1 of the Gospel chapters, Matthew, Mark, Luke or John, and see what Jesus did while He walked on this earth. HE HEALED and HE RESTORED.
Jesus said “If you have seen me, you have seen the Father.” Jesus NEVER brought disease on people. NEVER. He never blamed parents for their children’s illnesses. He touched… even a leper. He loved those who were cast outside of the synagogues, And believe me, HE OVERCAME the enemy.
The enemy wants to steal and destroy everything God loves…. including us. But take heart, we can learn to resist the devil and be freed from the chains he want to wrap around us. We can learn to SEE as Jesus sees, and yes, have an ABUNDANT LIFE …. even with autism!!!
Sadly, it’s hard to find good teachings on how to stand up, but there are places to find them. And those promises in Scripture that I wrote about in Autism’s Hidden Blessings? THEY ARE TRUE and GOD IS FAITHFUL to each and every one… but the enemy will try to get us to hand over our rights to them. The promises are for Believers in Jesus… an inheritance from the Father and a “YES” to each one in Christ.
Joy is something that comes when we draw near to Jesus. It’s a supernatural gift. Don’t give up on it just yet, my anonymous friend.
FInally, it’s been nearly 10 years since I wrote this post. My son, who was 11 at the time, is now 21 and in college, driving, doing great. If I would have listened to the voice of the enemy, he would have never understood what the word “job” means, an actual word spoken by a doctor over him, but now he is driving and has had many summers of jobs and just finished up an accounting internship. I had to learn how to depend on the Word, and stand firm on those promises. TO NEVER let the enemy take ONE MORE THING from my family. He. Is. a. Liar.
But God??? He does not bring disease. He did not allow the world to fall, but He did give us free will, and He also provided a way — JESUS — to overcome the fallen world. There is so much more, friend. Don’t give up, and don’t turn to the one who really caused all this mess. It’s not over yet!!!
There is so much more I could tell you, but it’s hard to do so here. You can contact me also on my website. I’ll pray with you too.
Know this: You are loved… and there is a way to find that joy again.
Blessings, Kelly Langston
My daughter is 44 years old born with Down Syndrome. We have had our ups and downs thru life so far but always made it and Looking back in ways I never predicted. Divorced, I am facing a legal issue with her father and I am afraid and sad, not for tomorrow but her future without me, as I am over 80 and do not know how much longer I have, but what her father will do as he had not had contact with her for 38 years and there is no emotional bond. I fear he will put her in a group home. Her world will not be the same without me as there have just been the two of us for the last 38 years.
Please pray for both of us.
Catherine Boyle says
Our prayer team is praying for you both. We also encourage you to find long-term care that you choose for your daughter. Unfortunately, we do not have resources or recommendations for long-term care, but trust that God will lead you to the solution that’s right for your daughter. You have done an incredible work being her sole caregiver for so many years. Please let us know how else we can continue to pray for you both.
Love and prayers for your precious daughter.. I am wanting to figure out a loving environment for the disable and a way to put fears away. I too have a daughter with Down Syndrome.. I will pray for you and your daughter every day now that I have read about you and your precious daughter.
Yes, look into a long term care facility as well as something like OPWDD which is in NY state and I’m sure she receives Social Security Disability benefits.
OPWDD— office for people with developmental disabilities
I came across this article in search of I don’t know what really, maybe some comfort. I just lost my 6-year-old daughter 17 days ago and boy do we miss her. My daughter had spastic quad CP & epilepsy (LGS). She was non-verbal but made noises. She didn’t walk or stand but moved on the floor like a clock. Her smile and joy really brighten up a room. It was contagious. She loved her brothers so much and she would show it. My husband and I and friends and family prayed for her since she started having seizures at 2 months old. We prayed for her healing, for her to be cured for 6 years. For Jesus to do a miracle in her just like the many miracles he did when he was walking on earth. Now we know that she is in heaven and that she is cured but why couldn’t he heal her here on earth so we can enjoy her more and enjoy her healing? We had so many questions that didn’t get answers in her 6 years and now we have more. I miss my princess so much. Our home feels so empty without her.
Catherine Boyle says
JTM, we are so sorry for your loss. We will add your family to our prayer list; our prayer team meets weekly to pray over needs such as yours. We don’t have answers to your questions, we’re sure you know that. We offer a community of parents who understand what it’s like to parent a child with your daughter’s needs, including families who have lost a child. We hope you will consider following our page, Not Alone Parents, on Facebook, where you can find community and support. https://www.facebook.com/NotAloneParents
I know how you feel. I am a Christian and I struggle with this one. My son have so many issues that I have prayed about. God I think used my son to humiliate me , to shame me, and to take me off my high horse. I understand all the negative comments . I really do I am struggling. I am a real person. A real mamma angry with God.
I Nunez says
I stumbled upon this page as I sit here thinking, why did God give me a child with arthrogryposis? He is unable to lift his arms, he barely moves them. He cant bend his elbows, he is 15 months and still cant stand up. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed and sad. I love my son so much, I cant imagine life any other way. I just sometimes feel sadness since he cant lift his arms to feed himself.
God Bless You.
My son is now 12 with very little change. I am hopeful and still praying.
I came across this website & was reading the comments posted on here. We have a 5 year old son who is autistic & nonverbal. On top of that, I have dealt with depression & anxiety since my 20’s & I’m now 41. I will admit, it is so hard. I feel most days the same way a lot of you feel: depressed, angry, confused, used up with little to no patience left for anything. We also have a 10 year old daughter & trying to keep a household balanced with a special needs child is very hard. I also struggle spiritually. I too often wonder, why God, why me? Have I not been through enough? Are you punishing me for some reason? BUT, I will tell you, that there has NEVER & I MEAN NEVER been a day that we wished our son was gone. EVER!!!!!!! It is my responsibility especially as his mother to love & nurture & protect & care for him NO MATTER WHAT!!! I don’t care what special needs a child is or is not born with, a child is a gift from God & it is our duty to do our very best to care for & love them. Am I perfect? Of course not. Do I lose my patience? Yes I do. But at the end of the day, he is our son & NOTHING can or will take that away!! We love that little boy so much that it hurts, our hearts literally feel like they could explode because of the love we have for him & our daughter as well. We love both of our kids the same even though they are not the same. If that child picks up on love & affection, that makes a world of difference. They may be special, but that doesn’t mean they cannot sense when they are not wanted. What an awful, awful feeling that is, especially for a child who had no say & who certainly did not ask for their situation. In short, YOU LOVE YOUR KIDS NO MATTER WHAT!! How dare anyone want to throw them away like a piece of trash. If that’s you, respectfully, you’re the one who needs help, not them. I’m sorry if I offend anyone, but I’m not sorry. You brought that child into this world, you OWE them that love & nurturing, because they certainly didn’t ask for this. I could never in my worst days EVER even allow a thought like that to enter into my mind. Our son is precious & I wouldn’t trade that little boy for ANYTHING in this entire world!!
Molly Martinez says
My child has speech delay and sensory issues were are going to get evaluated for autism and it hurts my heart for her. I have a heavy heart right now thinking of what it could be but I know that whatever it is God is with me on this journey. Thank you for your words
Catherine Boyle says
The Key Ministry prayer team will be praying for you and your daughter. There are many other parents who are facing the same medical appointments and evaluations right now, and getting diagnoses they do not want for their children. We encourage you to connect with our Facebook groups for special needs parents and follow one of our Facebook pages (either Key Ministry or Not Alone Parents). It’s very important that you receive encouragement from other parents who have ‘been there,’ and also find the resources you need for your daughter, yourself and your family as you navigate her diagnosis.God knows you are afraid for your child, but He will be with you no matter what comes next for her. Praying for wisdom, guidance, confidence in your decisions and peace in your spirit.
Do you really pray?
My son is now 12 with so little change.
I understand how most of those parents feel. I feel angry, , disgraced
Prayed for years.
Catherine Boyle says
Yes, we have a prayer team that meets each week and prays for the needs of the families we serve. We will pray for you in the next few weeks that God will give you a breakthrough. All the writers for this ministry are from families with special needs, so we get how hard special needs life can be. You have no reason to be disgraced or humiliated by anyone. Autism occurs across the world, in all countries, cultures, races, rich, poor, or in the middle. Key Ministry has a lot of resources on our website to help – the most important for you might be our Facebook groups with parents who have children with special needs. Autism Speaks has a large amount of resources by location – from medical and therapy services to supports for families. Please take care of your mental health – for yourself. There are many support services in your area that may help. I’m going to email them separately to keep your location private.
God bless you and your family
Jesse Colunga says
Be still and know that he is God. Get in a room very still and quiet and hear his whisper . DON’T
question God just trust him and depend on him daily. You will be blessed.He will not give you more than you can handle. Watch the attacks from the enemy.
My 3 year old autistic son is non verbal but he has developed very severe tantrums…those which made me n my husband quarrel every single day. My each and every night ends with tears as to why God uses my baby boy just to show his greatness and might. Why make my innocent son suffer and unable to face the world?? I seriously don’t agree with you
Lara Stanzel says
My daughter, Isabella has CP. she is non verbal and is in a wheelchair. Cognitively she she there ( average IQ) she was adopted at birth. The first 3 months were perfect. I thought God answered my prayers I had rough life growing up. I have Mild case of CP myself. I grew up with a mom that left about the same time my family found out about my CP. I was an outsider through out school. Thought I had friends but they were never there for me when truly needed them. I do have a job as a teacher and drive and do everything others do. At three months we found out about Izzy’s CP. my world went dark and I thought God punished me and my husband There are days when I cry all day and then there those great days that Izzy makes my day. She works hard all the time. I try to be very positive and it is hard to see typical kids run and play and Izzy just sits there. I can’t physically help her. She is getting very heavy to carry I pray God to give her a better life. She gets upset when sees other kids play and I can’t do anything to help. I keep praying for a miracle. I have know many people who have done mortal sins like abortions and they have typical kids and a happy family that can go anywhere without problems I have tried many times to understand why. My husband and I fight all the time now. I can’t do this on my own and need him. I hate my life and feel I can’t mother my daughter a anymore I love her with all my heart, but I am struggling all the time. The summer are the hardest at least during the school year I can leave my problems at home. I don’t want to feel this way. I need to understand why.
Tina souders says
I understand what your going through my sister is going through it her son memphis mink is about to be 3 and he is wheelchair bound the rest of his life he can’t speak he eats through a feeding tube through his stomache and her child’s father left her at the time she needed him the most .she has it rough in an out of hospital with her son anyhow he’s getting heavier and heavier she goes to work to try and ease the pain but she worries constantly about him.
I am sooo angry at God. I have a 5 year old with nonverbal autism. 10 year old with severe adhd, ad a 3 year old nonverbal developmentAL delay. If God loves us so much then why would make my children like this? Punish me. Fine. But it takes a sick be g to “use” a child to do anything. The anguish that y kids go through is insane. I am a shell of a person. I hate God for what he has done to my children. HE created them. And he is cruel and unloving.
So true !!!
My 3 year old autistic son is non verbal but he has developed very severe tantrums…those which made me n my husband quarrel every single day. My each and every night ends with tears as to why God uses my baby boy just to show his greatness and might. Why make my innocent son suffer and unable to face the world?? Even I prayed. Is there magic in others prayers? I seriously don’t understand the author
It is true you face these hardships. But please count your blessings from God. Everyone had hardships, including David. Do not hate God as God is Love.
My daughter is 33 and hasn’t spoken a single word. Am I doing something wrong?
I’m sorry, but I struggled to appreciate this article. Our autistic son is 6, but behaves like a 1-year-old. He hardly speaks. We love him, but sometimes he’s incredibly hard to handle. He screams when we don’t understand him, and we are so worn down. I have to work, leaving him with my wife, and she struggles. He’d very strong, and getting stronger. We have prayed, cried, begged. Nothing. Our hearts are broken over and again, and we are so very tired. So tired, and disappointed.
Tiffany Salazar says
My son has no diagnosis as of yet. But he’s nonverbal at almost 3. He was a preemie who batted an infection while in the NICU. I’m so angry at God because not only did he almost die within his first few days of life when he should have still been in my womb, but now he’s still suffering. All of the therapies and appointments. No real improvement in speech. I’m going insane thinking about his future. Will he be able to live independently. Go to college, have a career. Perhaps find someone to love and marry. I’m now pregnant with my second child and I worry so much. I’m angry at God! No one and I mean no one can identify with me and my husband. So many women I knew that could have cared less while they were pregnant. One smoked her ENTIRE pregnancy and guess what? Her son is very smart and talks all the time! Same age as my son. My husband doesn’t fee the same way and says we don’t know our sons story yet. He believes whole heartedly that. He will speak when he’s ready and live somewhat of a normal life. I pray daily often at least a few times a day. I just can’t seem to break this hold.
Kelly Langston says
Hi, Tiffany. I know exactly how you feel. I felt all of those same emotions, too, especially when Alec was 3. He was nonverbal, too. I don’t know your son, but I am confident that God did give him to you for a very special reason, and God chose you to be his parents. And because He chose you, He will provide for you in this role. God can handle your anger. I’ve been angry, too.
My son, Alec, did not speak at 3, but he has come a long way since then. So many difficult days, and even now, it’s a struggle, but somewhere along the way I learned to lay down all of my questions about the future and just trust God. That took years though.
There’s a lot to come, Tiffany. Hold on for that time. God really does have a plan, and I want you to know, that even though those days — when Alec was 3 — were so very difficult, looking back (now that he is 15), I can recall so many days when we laughed and had joy. At 3, I could never have imagined that I would be able to laugh and have joy again. But somehow, that did come. It took a long time, but it was worth the wait.
Don’t give up, Tiffany. Here was (and is) my prayer for my son, one that I know God answers, and I found it to be a powerful prayer: That God would help Alec, my son, be “all the man that He intended him to be.” Alec and your son have a purpose and plan that a special need cannot take from them. Nothing can take it from them.
Never underestimate what God can do. Marriage, a job, college, a career… all that really matters is that our sons live out the great purpose that God has for them, whatever that is. I pray that nothing keeps them from that purpose. Honestly, Tiffany, our sons have a lot to give and share with the world. I’ve seen Alec teach and say things that I never could.
Tonight, know that God has His hand on you. Rest in Him and trust Him. He will see you through. My prayers are with you and your family.
Tiffany Salazar says
Thank you so very much for your kind words and encouragement! God bless you!
heidi diffley says
im so sorry you feel so unloved and uncared for, but can you see anything in your life that went right, GOD DOES LOVE YOU, HE NEVER SAID IT WOULD BE EASY11 ONLY THAT OF YOU PRAYED TO HIM AND ASKED FOR HIS GUIDANCE, HE WILL BE THERE, it’s not always in our time, but his,, and I’m sorry that no one has held you and that you feel all alone,YOU ARE NOT ALONE,, REMEMBER TO TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF TOO, DONT LOOSE YOURSELF IN TAKING CARE OF EVERYONE ELSE… I myself have 3 children all with different needs, one with Aspergers syndrome and the other 2 with ADHD, and OCD, YES ITS VERY TRYING AT TIMES, YES I YELL OUT TO GOD WHY ME, AND I ALWAYS GET MY ANSWER, SO THAT YOU WILL SEEK ME OUT MORE… SO THAT YOU WILL CALL MY NAME AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD AND I ALONE CAN COMFORT YOU IF YOU WILL ONLY ASK…..GOD MADE SOME VERY BIG PROMISES TO US IN THAT BLACK BOOK, YOU PROBABLY HAVENT OPENED UP IN A WHILE,, WHEN THINGS LOOK THE
BLEAKEST, HOLD FAST AND SEARCH HIM OUT, YOU WILL ALWAYS FIND YOUR ANSWERS,,,,
Kelly Langston says
Thank, you, Heidi.
I stumbled upon this site, no God led me to this site. I have been searching (unknowingly) for this. Thank you
We have two adopted sons who were born with multiple drugs and addicted to crack cocaine. Later we found out that bio-mom drank alcohol off and on throughout the 6-7 months she carried the boys. They have been diagnosed with multiple issues among them are ARND, ADHD, OCD, DD, Anxiety, behavioral issues, emotional disturbances, and many more.
you people are crazy CRAZY CRAZY, autism the worst thing that can happen to a family, it has stolen what could of been a beautiful life with my other children, you are idiots to believe its a blessing , it is not its a CURSE, CURSE CURSE, feeling so much hate and anger I have with my own child is not normal, he ruins every holiday, every positive fun thing our family wants to do, he is there to ruin it, hes embarrassing in public, I now refuse to be seen in public with him, its horrible, afterschool and weekends long holidays are the worst, I want to shoot myself and get this misery over with, its like im already dead inside, just letting time take its course, It really upsets me when I read stupid idiotic posts like these and consider autism a blessing, these kids will never be able to rule and govern our world , ever, what ‘s the point of their existence, sure they supposedly smart, but at what, the majority of them will never be able to use their supposed intelligence……..for the last 10 years my life and my entire family has been on hold, I cant move forward , my hopes and dreams have been shattered, my other kids cant wait to leave my house, and never want to have children because of autism and what it does to a family, it has destroyed ours completely, a very traumatic experience, blessing would be to find safe and decent place to send him away without feeling guitly..I’m sick of hearing the word Austism.If I could go back I would of had an abortion, regardless my religion or beliefs, it would of saved me alot of grief…….:(
^ I agree with the above, to an extent (on my worst days – on my less-desperate days, I’m merely an empty shell but not an angry one). I have been punished as long as I can remember, sexually and physically abused, had animals killed and abused in front of me as my punishment for not feeding them on time or not cleaning the litter box well enough, was humiliated, threatened with death and so on. I DID TURN to God, over and over and over and over and over, and He ignored me. Utterly. Never, ever helped, not even with a positive or comforting feeling. If the aim was to “make me desperately need him,” that failed, so obviously, that isn’t God’s motive with every single person. With some of us, He just doesn’t care, and truly doesn’t love us. THAT is the hard truth that nobody wants to address or accept, but it exists. You just don’t want to believe it does.
I continue to be punished over and over, now with an autistic son for whom I do everything, literally everything but it makes no difference. I am an exhausted, used-up, empty, unloved, uncared-for (yes, including by God, if God exists), emotionally crippled walking shell that just wants to be dead. Still God doesn’t come, He never comes, not in nearly half a century of living so far.
What some people won’t accept is that some of us ARE NOT loved by God, in fact for whatever reason, we’re despised by Him, but those who are “more blessed” and are supported in some way don’t want the guilt of knowing that, so they (you) turn a blind eye.
But it’s the truth…ugly or not.
Kelly Langston says
I am so sorry. This is an older post and I have not written for Not Alone for some time now so I missed these comments. I just saw the two posts above, and, well, they break my heart.
I know that there is little I can say that might make a difference to you. So I’m praying that God Himself will show you that, indeed, He does love you and is no respecter of persons. (Acts 10:34) He loves you no less than me. Seriously.
Being a Christian does not exclude us from sorrow. People may think that, but it does never promises to give us a pain-free life. Just consider that 11 of the 12 disciples died a martyr’s death. That doesn’t make things easer, though, I know. This life? Well it can stink at times. But being a Christian means that we don’t have to go it alone. Ever.
I’m praying that in some way, God will show up to you and show you that He does, indeed, love you. This journey is hard. Very hard. But the story? It’s not over yet! There is so much more to come. Oh, I pray you hold on for it.
You both wrote months ago… I wish I had seen them so long ago. I can only pray, again, that God will show you that He does, in fact, love you greatly.
Mel, I do not accept that God choose to love SOME people, and despise others. I am so very sorry that you’ve gone through so much. I do believe that one day, Jesus will return with a word, and that word very well might be “ENOUGH!” Enough sorrow. Enough pain. Enough of the joy being stolen by our enemy. Enough sickness. Enough injustices. Enough autism and depression.
Enough. I know that day is coming. (Rev 21:4): He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”
We are in a fallen world. God did not create it this way, but rest assured, He WILL restore it. Hang on. Please, hang on.
GOD loves you..I’m sorry for the abuse that you have had to endure…I was never a used but I was raised in poverty to the utmost and violence lost both parents by age 34 lost 2 siblings in the past 2 years..and it hurts..but I just can’t let go of GOD because he’s holding me together..We all have a common enemy.. Our adversary the dvl needs to be binded and rebuked In the NAME OF JESUS..Please pour your heart out to The Holy Father in Heaven in JESUS NAME on a secret place by yourself and tell him how you feel in a respectful way..You’ll be surprised how much better you will feel and better days ate ahead
Maybe GOD wants to use you as a spokesperson.. to help others mothers with children with austism…You may be stronger than you think you are.. These special needs children need a spokesperson..Have you had his hearing checked.. He can also take anti anxiety medications to help calm him down.. Don’t feel ashamed to put.him in a special school that can keep him for a week while you take a needed vacation.. Maybe you could start a business of taking care of special needs kids for a one week minimim..there is a lot of money to be made if you get the right staffing.. I’ll be praying for you..GOD loves you
It not the child fault if he has autism as mother it is your duty to love and care are for him no matter how hard it gets
This to Lisa. I am so sorry that you feel that way towards your son. It breaks my heart to hear a mother talk so horrible about her child. He struggles enough with his special needs, and to know that his own mother wishes him gone…must truly be devastating to him. Knowing that someone you should feel loved and protected by, speaks so negative about you, is probably the worst thing in the world. There are days with my autistic daughter , that I feel hopeless, agitated, and angry. But, I could not imagine my life without her. It’s hard to stay positive and keep faith, but I do. If he makes your life that unmanageable that you can’t say one thing nice about him, find a family that will. He picks up on your feelings towards him. How he must feel. 😞 Just so very sad to blame a child for something that is out of his control.
Sarah Ann says
This was a beautiful reminder of how much God loves us and our special needs children!!! THANK YOU for sharing!!! I have an almost 4 year old daughter that was diagnosed with ASD and I could not agree more, even our toughest days, that Autism has blessed our family and grown me as His child more than I could ever imagine! I can’t wait to read more of what you’ve written and appreciate you ministering to us parents! Many blessings to you and your family!
What really helped me was to hear a message by a Women’s Ministry pastor that instead focused on the fact that raising a child with special needs is a calling. It is a task that is not easy (as we all know) and that not everyone is capable of doing. God reserves this responsibility for a chosen few and to feel blessed! We often need to challenge our perspective because it is so limited and we fail to understand and see the much bigger picture. God does give us more than we can handle because we can’t do it on our own power but His alone.
Ann Kilter says
God will be glorified through your children. I Corinthians 1:26-31.
Thank you, Kelly, for words that are bringing light into lots of dark corners today! During our prayer group this evening, our lectio divina was on Rev. 21:1-6. The Lord gave John a vision, and told him to “WRITE IT!” Each time we testify to the glimpses God gives us of his Kingdom, we bring the Kingdom a little nearer to many people. That’s what you’ve done today.
Kelly Langston says
Thank you! Let’s keep writing then!
Cindy Snell says
My special needs 22yr old asked me today if there was a pill she could take to make her like everyone else would I want her to take it?? My answer is the one it always is (less loudly on the difficult days) This the package you came in, this is how god gave you to me and I love u!
Kelly Langston says
Perfect answer, Cindy, and so true!
brandy rhea says
Thank u, I needed to hear this.
T's Mum says
Thank you so much for this post. On difficult days, it is a hard message to hear but I agree with you; I have grown in patience, in love, in empathy through parenting my autistic son. I have been made to put aside dignity and stop trying to “fit in” with society. I have learned to stop comparing myself to other people, and our family with other families. We walk our own path and we are (in the most) happy. Parenting my son and facing many frustrations in so doing has given me a glimpse of the Father and His infinite love, patience and forgiveness. God has given me a beautiful, kind, good hearted son and I thank Him every day for this boy, even whilst I struggle in the hard times. There have been times when I have been on bended knee, begging the Lord for strength to carry on, to help me to forgive my son when he has physically or emotionally hurt me. He got us through those worst years and now our son is loving, talking, engaged and learning to love Jesus too. Life can be cruel at times but the Lord loves us and is always there for us. I could not have got here, and we would not be the family we are now, without Him.
Kelly Langston says
Thank you for sharing your encouraging story! Hearing it blesses my heart. I love how you wrote about your journey and how God has helped your son be “loving, talking, engaged and learning to love Jesus too.” Thank you!
Ruth Stieff says
So well said. I just sent this to all the parents in a facebook group for Christians parenting chidren with autism. Thanks.
Kelly Langston says
Thanks for sharing, Ruth. I believe in this message, so I appreciate it!
Nancy~momma of 7+2 says
Amazing post…you spoke my heart and today I needed this reminder of what I know in my heart! Thank you!
Kelly Langston says
God is good….you are welcome.
zo's mommy says
I thank God very single day for giving me such a precious gift and blessing! I could not imagine my life any different and am so thankful to have such a wonderful dear child!!!
Connie Proctor says
I appreciate.your words so much! My son, Adam, is 30 and in his early days there were no books much less the Internet to give parents encouragement. It truly was the dark ages! I remember praying for a Christian that I could connect with who had a disabled child. (God did answer that very specific prayer, by the way!) This blog is a great ministry tool! Thanks to all of you!
Kelly Langston says
Hi, Connie! Things have come a long way in terms of support. You were one of the wonderful parents who paved the way for that…
What a blessing this post is!
LJ Sanford (@LJSanford) says
I needed to hear this today..