I know your worried thoughts, the ones that keep you up at night lulling you to sleep, the thoughts that sometimes accuse you as you parent your child with special needs: Could I do more? Am I enough?
Maybe if I could get my child to try the new therapy – the one that promises great results – then maybe my child’s mobility would finally improve.
If I could get my insurance to cover more speech therapy sessions, then maybe my child would be able to communicate better.
Maybe if I was more disciplined at making every moment a learning moment, a therapy moment, then maybe my child would be doing much better where they lack in development.
I entertain these thoughts a few times a year, especially when I see other children with the same disabilities my girls have, yet they seem to be excelling while my daughters struggle. If I dwell on them for too long, I begin to look at myself as the person to blame, as if I had the power to cure my daughters’ disabilities. But I can’t.
The truth is, I often take my children’s success and failure as a reflection of my own as a parent. I take the burden into my own hands instead of trusting that God loves my kids, and He holds them in His right hand.
And while I think that God is a loving Father, that He indeed loves my kids, I am reminded that he also is my father. He loves me just as much, and He holds me in His right hand too. Just like my children, I am also the beloved.
As the beloved, I found that God had words of comfort for me in His word:
Open up before God, keep nothing back;
he’ll do whatever needs to be done:
He’ll validate your life in the clear light of day
and stamp you with approval at high noon.Psalm 37:5-6 The Message
So I opened up before God and held nothing back, I said, “God, I fear I am not enough for my girls. I fail at stretching the tight muscles, or working on vocal drills. When it comes to being a special needs mom, I feel like I am failing my kids.”
And He did what needed to be done, He reminded me that what is most important is that I love my girls, however imperfect my love might be, He knows my heart. And He validates my life, my efforts, and my tenacity to do the best I can. He gives me His stamp of approval.
And this is what I want to say to you, special needs parent who wonders if you are enough. You are.
You are enough.
You don’t have to fix your children, you do what you can. You don’t need to put more pressure on yourself, you don’t need to be super mom or super dad. Because what really matters is that you never stop loving. And you love fiercely, deeply. God validates your life, your efforts, your tenacity to do the best you can. He gives you His stamp of approval.
You are enough.
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