True Confessions: I don’t follow the news.
Maybe it’s because I get enough news from my daughters’ teachers, doctors, and therapists. Maybe because I’d rather read a novel or stare at a wall with the 10 minutes of free time I have during the day. Or maybe it’s because I know I’ll find stories like the one last weekend. Ones that fracture the heart of a mom raising a child with mental illness.
“The 27-year-old son of the Rev. Rick Warren, one of America’s most influential religious leaders, committed suicide,” it said in the NY Times article. This young man, described as courageous and gentle by his father, well-loved by his church, fell into a “momentary wave of despair at his home, [and] took his life.”
Everything stopped when I read the words. Grief soaked my eyes, my heart.
Grief for parents who loved their son through a lifetime of emotional turmoil.
Grief for his siblings. The article refers to Matthew as the youngest of the Warren children.
Grief for the church who watched him grow up.
Why must a family who loves God and His people endure such a thing?
And, what does that mean for us—fellow parents raising kids with special needs?
Might we advocate, rearrange schedules, shift financial priorities, spend less time with typcially-developing siblings, face the ridicule of public perception, and not reap years of relationship with the kids we’ve fought so hard to love?
Can I be really honest? This terrifies me. Makes me want to pull the covers up over my head and hide. Makes real the bone-tiredness I’ve been stuffing deep down during my daughter’s transition home from the mental health facility.
Because there’s no assurance that “everything’s gonna be alright” in life or with our kids. In fact, we’re promised we’ll have trouble in this life.
Promised.
But immediately afterward, we’re also encouraged:
“Take heart {be courageous!}, for I have overcome the world.” – Jesus, in John 16:33
How, exactly, do we “take heart” in the face of tragedies like Matthew Warren’s?
How do we NOT let fear define us?
- Pull up a chair with God and let Him have it. Like Jacob, wrestle until He blesses you with something that helps you keep going. If you’re an introvert and sitting face to face with anyone makes your skin crawl, get a journal and let God have it in writing.
- Make a list of all the times the worst case wasn’t the case after all. Keep it someplace easy to find and re-read when the tough waves come. In the face of such grace, we can’t help but sink into His embrace, grateful.
- Use your “worry muscle” to pray. God made your mind capable of mulling over things for a reason, so choose to mull in lifegiving, Scripture-filled ways.
- Let yourself grieve the evil in this world. It breaks His heart, too. More than we can even imagine. Listen to Natalie Grant’s “Held,” and cry with God. It’s what I do whenever I’m grieving my foster/adopted daughters’ still-broken hearts. It helps. I promise.
There are no guarantees that things will all be okay—as we define okay—for our families, or for our kids. But we are guaranteed a Savior who suffered intensely and walks with us every moment. It’s when we fix eyes on Him, on that truth, that we can keep living forward and not get stuck in fear.
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This was an awesome post!! Thank-you so much for sharing these reminders and helpful things we can do when we face fear. My son has threatened suicide many times but has never acted upon it. He’s only 14 so we have many years ahead….In fear I hide all of the knives in my kitchen because that is his choice of weapon…to cut himself. I pray that God will calm my fears and not let my mind race ahead of me to the future…Thanks again!!
Oh, friend. I’m so sorry to hear. That puts you in a challenging spot, and must be emotionally so tiring. We have to keep an eye on potentially dangerous items here, too, and do room checks often. May I pray for our kids here? Father, you know this mama’s heart for her son, the fear and anxiety that coexist with her hope. Come alongside her tonight and breathe fresh energy and wisdom in to her. We pray for supernatural discernment in order to raise her son and keep him safe. Please bring alongside this family some strong support and effective counselors, to give her son the tools he needs to live in your fullness well in to adulthood. We trust you for this family, Lord.
Sister, I was right there with you in grief and thinking about the future of my guy. Hard days ahead but we know who reigns and we know the outcome… HUGS!
Thanks, Kelly. I am so glad we don’t face this kind of news alone. And I’m so thankful that the Warrens are using this as an opportunity to spread awareness and start a special fund to help kids like ours in the future.
Yes, yes Laurie! I think we can be afraid to confront God when we are feeling most vulnerable, that he will disown us if we do. Your suggestions to do it verbally or in writing are great. My own experience is that I need to completely spend myself when I am that distraught. Only then can I let his peace fill and comfort me. Thanks for a lovely post!
That’s a great way to explain it, Kim: to completely spend ourselves when we’re that distraught. It’s as if the fear is so toxic, we have to empty it out completely to let peace back in. As someone who’s pretty active, I often will physically spend myself in a kickboxing class when I’m mad or scared, too!
Thank you, Laurie!
Great word Laurie!
EXCELLENT timely post, Laurie!