I remember so vividly Alec's difficult toddler days. My son had less than a handful of words. The days were a series of one tantrum after another. I was a stressed-out mother on the brink of a personal meltdown of my own. Oh, yes, I remember those days. I loved my son desperately, but hadn't a clue how to help him. I obsessively scoured every piece of advice I could find from any expert … [Read more...]
Until They’re Gone…
Sometimes, raising a child with special needs, there is a constant undercurrent of stress that we don’t even recognize. It takes release of that stress for us to suddenly realize it was there. That’s what happened to me the other day. I hadn’t noticed how much pressure I was under until my daughter was gone. I was half way through my morning shower when the light bulb went on. I don’t have to … [Read more...]
How I’m getting my instincts back (and you can too).
"Mom?" asked my sixth grade daughter on the way home from school, "Isn't it true you should always trust your instincts?" I stifled a laugh, trying not to let the Diet Coke in my mouth shoot through my nose. Three responses sprung simultaneously to mind: Should you have gone with your instinct to hit your little sister yesterday? Or did that end badly for you? Should you go with your … [Read more...]
Is Happy Marriage Possible For Parents of Special Needs?
I have this guy living in my house. This tall, witty, occasionally infuriating guy, whose across-the-room smile can still make me blush, 15 years after "I do." Only problem is it's way too easy as a parent of kids with special needs to simply not look across the room. Do I know my husband is my primary relationship? That he's the only one who's still going to be sitting across from me when the … [Read more...]
Make Lattes, Not War
Forgiveness. It seems like a 1,000-pound bench press, a crushing load, impossibly heavy to lift. But forgiveness isn’t a one-time heft above our heads to declare our spiritual duty done. It’s more like a marathon. (Or, for those like me, who shudder at the thought of running a 5K, it’s more like a really, really long-distance stroll—preferably with a coffee in hand.) But whether you … [Read more...]
Who Else Wants Their Joy Back?
What does joy mean to you? And how do you know if you've got it? These are questions a fresh wave of challenges with my 10-year-old have pressed on my mind. As I wrestle to have more joy in the struggles---and to recognize it when it's there---I'm finding it's different than I used to think. For me, joy is relief. It's cool grace over a searing heart. It's letting go of heavy burdens. And it's … [Read more...]