I feel guilty about a very strange thing. Not about something I’ve done, but about something I was given. Today, I want to hold my hand up and shield people from paying attention to this part of my life; here, in this particular community of parents who struggle daily with special needs, and never-ending vigilance. A few codes in our neurologist’s office indicate I’ve every right to be among you … [Read more...]
The Nature of Things
At 9:30 in the morning, the small swish of paper brushing across my bedroom’s wooden floor woke me. My husband Matt was at the Ravens game with some friends. There had been an early curtain call for the pre-game frivolity, so he’d been gone for some time. The night before had been a late one, and I’d overslept. Meaning, I was already frustrated. Unless there’s a nuclear winter and all the alarm … [Read more...]
Invisible Diagnoses and the God Who Sees
Most times, when faced with a writing project, I’ll fold up the laptop’s screen and breathe in, ready to unpeel a new word and lay it flat. Most times, I am excited, knowing that we’ll discover things together, you and me. Other times, I will share with you something that slashes me sideways and leaves my mother’s heart bleeding. That is when the writing hurts. Today, every keystroke burns a … [Read more...]
Don’t Run From Suffering
This collage contains my all-time favorite pictures of Joel. Did I say all-time favorite? I LOVE THESE PICTURES! I laughed out loud in the middle of Walgreen's as I thumbed through my order. I have Joel's sister, Sarah, to thank. She shot them in Gatlinburg, outside the Mellow Mushroom restaurant, where we'd just had some of the best pizza we'd ever eaten. We were on vacation in the Great Smoky … [Read more...]
Letting Special Needs Kids Grow Up
Parked at a crowded curb in front of the middle school, I watch as my girls get out of the van, tie shoes, check hair in the side window, glance to see if anyone they know is nearby. I should drive away, I think. I should leave and make space for another family to unload their kids. But it's not just the parking spot. It's the admission my girls are growing up. They walk away from the minivan. … [Read more...]
Anxious Minds
“I have a theory about Caillou,” Noah says. I have been bent over, picking things up in the front hallway. My three have been away from me, testing the patience of my parents for two weeks while I've finished my next book. So this mess, today? I’m okay with it. It’s proves they’re here. And I’ve missed them fiercely. “Dying, huh? Well, this should be interesting.” I stand up and face him. I … [Read more...]